Sour

I feel so sourish. Talking to her about her pregnancy makes me feels sad. The way she mention how pantang she is to not attend our friend's wedding or baby show until 4 months is over blah blah blah. In my first pregnancy, I went on to become her jiemei, as I didn't want to be known as pangtang and of course, I wouldn't want to miss my close friend's wedding. Well, I guess certain sacrifices or decisions that I made led to my regret now. Perhaps if I have decide to just risk my friends, my baby would have been almost 1 year old?

Sometimes I feel guilty for having evil thoughts, but I can't help it, if they know how I feel, they shouldn't be complaining about morning sickness in front of me.

I actually felt that she was boasting about her pregnancy, how her baby is strong cos of her bad MS just like how she boasted about her house, about her wedding and that she should rightfully be married first rather than me and how her pay package is high, how she had so many job offers, how her hubby is doing well in his career. Why do things go on so smoothly for them and so full of pitholes for me?

And one day, I realised my friends... are not friends. Probably long time, close friends, but not someone who knows me and understands me. They are just people who are constantly trying to show that they live much better lives than me.

And I'm so fake to the extend that I'm still meeting these friends. Seriously, I don't really know how to face them. I would love to just enjoy my Friday evening quietly. I hope it will be a fast one.